The Demons in Her Mind
by Pokemon67
Summary: SPOLIERS FOR SEASON 5. Emma and Killian try hard to pick up the pieces from when they were the Dark Ones, but it isn't easy. Especially since the past Dark Ones love to come and haunt them. One in particular loves to haunt Emma, torturing her by reminding her of all the things she had done. With Dark Killian Jones lurking, Emma isn't sure If she can hold on much longer.


**The Demons in Her Mind**

 **Me: hello! As I am typing this it is 1:27 on a Sunday night! I have school in the morning! But hey, priorities, am I right?**

 **Okay, as I pointed out, it is early (or late, whatever you prefer to call it) so spelling errors might be numerous. I apologise but hey, I tried. ;)**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon a Time, if I did I wouldn't have killed off Robin. OH, WHY ADDAM AND EDDIE?! WHY?! POOR REGINA! *sobs***

He was there. He was _always_ there.

Emma tried to ignore him. Tried to tell herself that he wasn't real, that the _real_ Killian Jones was _not_ that demon lurking in the corner, the one glaring at her, the one constantly at the back of her mind, haunting her every moment.

And then the yelling would start.

The demon, the Dark Killain Jones, would start hurling comments at her. How it was her fault, how she had done this to him, how she had blackened his soul even further. She might have tricked that 'stupid pirate' into being her love sick puppy dog again, but he hadn't given up. He would get his revenge on Rumplestilsken _and_ on her.

Whenever Killian was in the room, it was easier. Emma could stand next to him, hold his hand, hear his voice, and know that all the things the voices in her head were saying were not true. Killian didn't hate her. He didn't want revenge on her.

 _'It's all your fault,'_ they chimed. _'You blackened his soul beyond repair.'_

 _No, I didn't._

 _'Yes, you did. You put more blood on his hands and the memories will haunt him for the rest of his days.'_

Emma would ignore the voices and just hold on tighter to Killian. He understood- he knew what she was fighting because he too was fighting the voices of the past Dark Ones, calling to him from their eternal punishments, asking him why he had failed them, why he hadn't gone through with Nimue's plan.

They understood each other and as long as they had each other, it didn't matter what the voices said.

Except at nighttime.

Nighttime held nothing but fear for them now- no rest or peace, just fear. Killian, after much tossing and turing, would eventually calm down for a few precious hours of sleep. But Emma was not so lucky. Killian hadn't spent a lot of time as the Dark One, and what time he did was spent planing how to get his revenge. Emma, though, had spent over two months as the Dark One. Two months without sleep. Two months worth of night hours filled with making dream catchers, trying hard to block out the voices of the past Dark Ones who were trying just as hard to give her ideas of horrible things she could do and to get her to accept her fate as the Dark One.

Nighttime, as she lay beside Killian, she heard them. The voices. Sometimes they would pay her a personal visit, like they used to in Camelot. Apparently, Rumplstilsken didn't like having them around and so they would visit Emma and Killian late at night. Nimue didn't make any appearances. Emma assumed it was because she was sore at them for ruining her plans to come back to life. Merlin didn't appear either, so Emma hoped that meant he had met a better fate in the Underworld. But others visited. Opal Drake, the sixth Dark One, was a popular visitor. She was only thirteen when she became the Dark One, and as her family abandoned her when they found out, she had had no one. Her childish, innocent views of the world made her one of the cruelest Dark Ones, as she didn't have anyone to tell her right from wrong.

Engarde was another frequent visitor. The one who finally wrestled the dark power from Nimue, he was the first to explore the limitations of Dark magic. His past was full of regret and pain, as most Dark Ones. But, despite accepting the darkness, he wasn't what Emma would associate with ' _evil_ '- he certainly wasn't as bad as Rumplstilsken.

The nights where Opal and Engarde appeared were tolerable. But then there were the nights when _he_ visited.

Emma would lay perfectly still, not wanting his appearance to take her by surprise. But, no matter how alert she was, Dark Killian Jones would always just appear, startling her.

And then it would begin. The yelling, the blame, the guilt. It hurt. It physically hurt. Emma knew she had caused Killian pain when she had turned him into the Dark One. She knew she had hurt him. But Killian had forgiven her. He understood that she hadn't meant to hurt him, but to _save_ him. She was the Savouir, wasn't she? That's what she was supposed to do.

Then why did it hurt so bad?

"You know why," Dark Killian shouted. "Because it wasn't what he wanted, it was what _you_ wanted. He asked- no- _begged_ you not to throw him back into that pit of darkness he spent so long fighting. He wanted you to let him go. But you couldn't, could you, Swan? No, you had to have it your way. You had to be selfish. Because of you, Miliah's death is still not avenged and there is more blood on his hands!"

Then the cruel grin would spread on his face. A sicking smirk that looked so wrong on Killian's face. "He hates you for it," he whispered. "He'll deny it, but I know. He _hates_ you, Swan."

And then he would leave, leaving Emma shaking, crying silently so as not to disturb the real Killain, asleep beside her.

But that wasn't the only horrible thing night held.

Killian, while he didn't suffer from post Dark One insomnia, did suffer from nightmares. Flashbacks of his horrible ordeal in the Underworld at the hands of Hades came back in vivid pictures, interrupting his sleep. He would wake up in a cold sweat, trying to bite back a scream.

After a nightmare, he never went back to sleep the same night.

As he began to sink into a nightmare, Emma would talk to him, try to sooth him, anything and everything to keep him from falling into the clutches of the horrid reminders. She was never successful. The memories were too strong, and as they claimed him, she felt another stab of guilt in her chest.

 _'It's your fault he's suffering.'_

And it was. It was her fault Killian couldn't get more then an hour or two of sleep each night, and the Dark Killian never let her forget it.

Daytime was hard. They were both tired and afraid- the past Dark Ones liked to pop up in the daytime too. But they managed through them. Every time they stepped outside, they placed their masks on their faces, their walls up. Neither one wanted to hurt Emma's family any further. If anyone asked, they were fine. Emma's family had stuffed enough without having to know the anxiety nights held for them.

But the masks weren't perfect. They cracked from time to time. The dark circles under Emma's eyes were a big give away, and David finding Killian passed out on the desk while working at the sheriff's station a few times did cause concern. But Emma and Killian were able to laugh away most concerns, and everyone bought it, because they wanted to believe it.

But still the voice of Dark Killian Jones was in her head, a demon that wouldn't go away.

She hated it. He wouldn't stop. One night, while waiting for Killian to get back from taking care of his ship, the Dark Killian appeared. Without the real Killian beside her, Emma felt trapped.

Dark Killian looked over her, pinning her against the wall. "How does it feel, Swan," he asked in a cruel, low voice. "How does it feel to be a _failure_?"

Emma knew she shouldn't reply. She should ignore him. But the darkness that used to reside in her stirred. He was _insulting_ her. "I'm not a failure."

Dark Killian smirked. "Aren't you?" He asked. "Weren't you supposed to bring back happy endings and such? What did they call you? A _savouir_?" He chuckled. "You didn't save the pirate, now did you? You _killed_ him."

 _It's a trap_ , Emma thought wildly to herself. _Don't fall for it_. But she did. She couldn't stop herself. "I didn't want to."

Dark Killian threw his head back laughing. "Really?" He asked. "That's the best excuse you can come up with? _'I didn't want to'_? Come now, Swan, you can do better then that." He leaned into her face. "He _hates_ you."

Emma was trapped. It all came rushing back to her, the memories that lurked in her mind, as fresh and raw as if they had just happened. Her and Killian fighting in the forest. Killian crushing Merlin's heart. Killian taunting her in the living room. Her plunging Excalibur into his chest.

She _drove_ him to that.

Killian _did_ hate her.

"Now you understand," Dark Killian raised his hook. "I'll kill you now."

Emma snapped back to reality. She threw herself aside, grabbed the vase on the table and threw it at him. He vanished into a cloud of red smoke and appeared on the other side of the room. The sound of glass shattering went unnoticed by Emma as she ran up the stairs.

She ran into the spare bedroom and locked the door. She opened the closet and grabbed her gun before falling near the door frame, burying her face in her knees. She cried.

She cried for the fear she had felt when she had first picked up the dagger to save Regina. She cried for the angry she had felt when Rumplstilsken kept following her through Camelot. She cried for hurting her parents, Merida, Henry, Killian, and everyone else. Even the dwarves. She cried as she heard Dark Killian banging on the door, trying to get through so he could kill her.

Emma stiffened when she heard the door knob rattle and the lock turning. He had found her, and now was coming to kill her.

She stood up and backed away as the door opened, loading the gun. He entered the room, looking at her with a strange look on his face.

"Emma? What's wrong? What happened?"

He stepped closer to her and reached out to touch her. "No!" She screamed. She aimed the gun. " _Don't_ touch me!"

He froze, shock and worry on his face. "Emma, what is it?"

"Get away from me!" She was backed fully into the corner now, and her heart pounded in her chest, waiting for him to attempt to move.

"C-calm down," he stuttered, fear edging his voice. He held up his hand and black leather cuff that was clasped on his left arm where his hand should've been. "It's alright."

Emma wasn't listening to him. Her eyes were on the cuff. _He had been wearing his hook_. Only then did she look at the man before her and noticed his clothes- not Camelot garb but modern day clothing. "Killian-" she started, not even sure of how to begin apologizing.

Killian took a step closer. "Yes, it's me," he said. "Emma, put the gun down."

Emma forgot that she had been holding the weapon in the first place. She looked at it, shame filing her. She turned it around carefully and handed it to Killian.

He took it and dropped it on the floor, kicking it out of the way with his foot without taking his eyes off Emma. "What happened?" He asked again.

Emma thought she had cried all her tears just before. Apparently not. She broke down again, burying her face in her hands.

She felt Killian's arms tighting around her. "It's all right," he whispered, his hand stroking her hair. "It's all right, love."

 _No, it's not_ , She wanted to say. _I nearly killed you and I would've if you had been wearing your hook. It is not alright_. But she couldn't. All she could do was sob and be grateful that she had someone to hold her.

They stood there for a few minutes before Killian tried again to get an answer to his question. "What happened, Emma?"

Emma took a shaky breath. "I thought-" she started. She straightened up and look at him through her tears. "Killian, do you hate me?"

Killian stared at her. There was no shock on his face, in fact he looked as if he had expected the question. "No."

"Answer me honestly."

"I am, love. Use your superpower on me and see if I'm lying."

Emma didn't need to. She knew he wasn't lying. But it was just hard to believe. "After everything I did-"

"Emma-"

"I threw you back into that pit! I put more blood on your hands! I-"

"Emma!" he exclaimed. "I did that. Not you, me. I was the one who, when the darkness came into me, so quickly accepted it. I didn't even try to fight it. I was weak."

"But I-"

"You did your best to save everyone while fighting the darkness with all your might. You never gave up. You held on to hope. You saved everyone, Emma, including me. Without you I would've died and still be rotting in Hades torture chambers right now. The blood on my hands and sins I've committed are mine alone. Not yours."

"All because I-"

"No. Emma, you did your best. That was all anyone could do. Our demons may still be with us, our guilt may still be with us, but our _friends_ are still with us too. Everything that happened, no matter how bad it was at the time, it turned out for the best. That's what we need to remember if we're ever to get through this."

Emma stared at him before laying her head back against his shoulder. He held her tightly again as he felt her begin to collapse. He picked her up and carried her back to their bedroom. She didn't fight it. He laid her down and laid next to her, drawing her close to him.

They slept.

 **Me: that's it. Hope you liked it. Please leave a review to tell me what you think!**

 **Happy Writing!**


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